On March 16, 1991, Bubba and I were the only ones happy about us getting married. Now, before you say to yourself “that’s sad or awful,” let me explain. We were super young, hadn’t finished college, and were flat-ass broke.  Based on these factors, and the mega-tons of research showing marrying young frequently leads to divorce, reasonable adults concluded we 1) were setting ourselves up for a life filled with emotional and financial hardships, or 2) would be filing for divorce in 6 months. Fortunately, they were wrong.

Understandably, they didn’t get it. I wasn’t pregnant, so we didn’t HAVE to get married. Why we were rushing to bind ourselves to each other eternally. Still more irritating to the 'older-wise' set, we were so damn confident that it was the right choice for us.

Truly we had little idea what we had signed up for, but who the fuck has any idea about life at 20 and 21?  Persons this age haven’t been alive long enough to have a damn clue “about life,” and we were no exception. Sure, there’s been a fuck-ton of drama, much of it self-inflicted, and loads of intense effort to effectively (and positively) manage our shit — including Depression, Anxiety, Alcoholism, and enough family baggage to fill a Nr.2 Lockheed Martin C-5M Super Galaxy cargo plane—  but so far, we’re making it work.  I say “so far” because every day I choose to be a better partner, a more forgiving and compassionate partner, and one that allows Bubba to realize and express his true self.  Sounds a little new-age woo-woo, I know. 

For shits and grins, I Googled “healthy marriage” and found this list of 37 “emotional and life skills necessary for a healthy marriage” on PsychCentral.Com. Items 1 through 25 involve recognizing, managing, and expressing one’s emotions in a productive, healthy way. IMO, every grown-ass human, regardless of relationship status, should be working on these items because these skills lead to an emotionally healthier individual human.  Items 26 through 37 are the Jedi-level relationship skills that keep married people from getting divorced.

26. A basic competency in navigating the world professionally, socially, and practically.

27. An ability to face your aging and death, and the aging and death of others, without acting out destructively toward yourself or others.

28. An ability to let go of pain from the past, forgive yourself or others, and refocus on the present moment.

29. A basic level of competence in organizing your daily life and managing time.

30. An ability to tolerate feeling bored and dissatisfied.

31. An ability to seek and explore ways to grow, expand, and change.

32. An ability to set limits and boundaries with others and with your environment to take care of your own emotional, mental, and physical health.

33. An ability to recognize the experiences of feeling powerless or out of control, and to tolerate those feelings without acting out destructively on yourself or others.

34. An ability to respect and accept other people’s boundaries, even if they upset you, without acting out destructively toward yourself or others.

35. An ability to tolerate the possibility of being rejected or abandoned by your loved ones without trying to ‘close off their exit door’ through controlling behaviors, inducing guilt or threatening to be destructive to yourself or to them if they leave you.

36. An ability to remain reasonably calm during difficult discussions or conflicts with others.

37. An ability to agree to disagre e, make compromises and create solutions to conflict.

Marriage is challenging. We're far from perfect, and we have bad days (ironically, today has started off as one of those “bad days”), but this will pass, like all other bad days before. Bubba is and shall remain, my most favorite person. The only way we continue to grow together is to roll with the changes and work our shit out.

Happy 27, Bubba. I love you.